Enlisted
1.
THE ENLISTED MEN in our airplane company had to pull double duty as guards.
One night as my sergeant and I stood watch at the bachelor officers' quarters, a new
pilot tried to take some contraband into his room. Sarge, standing his ground, refused
the officer entry, and an argument ensued. "Do you know who I am, sergeant?" the
pilot yelled. "Yes, sir, I do," replied my sergeant. "But do you know I'm the mechanic
who's going to keep your plane up for the next 12 months?" The pilot made a hasty
retreat. --Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Alvin Y. Sato
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2.
IT WAS EARLY MORNING at Fort Ord, Calif., and the first sergeant was calling
out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper: "Ames" "Here!"
"Jenson" "Here!" "Jones" "Here!" "Magersky" "Here!" "Seeback" "Here!" --
"Seeback!" "Here!" -- "SEEBACK!!!" "Here!" -- At that point, someone whispered
into the first sergeant's ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly
turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.
--Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Larry D. Wade
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3.
WHEN OUR UNIT was deployed in the early stages of Operation Desert Shield,
we were told to expect "field conditions" -- hot, dusty tents, cold, vacuum-packed
meals and rock-hard cots. But because the flow of people and supplies into Saudi
Arabia had backed up, we were lucky enough to spend two weeks in a barracks
complete with color TV. We found a VCR in a closet, rigged up some cables and
hooked it up, only to discover that everything played on it showed up in black and
white. One night, we were watching the latest Arnold Schwarzenegger movie when a
newcomer asked why the movie wasn't in color. "Field conditions," our sergeant said
without looking up. --Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Capt. Steven A. Hoselton
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4.
AS A NEWLY commissioned infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an example for
my platoon by cleaning my own M-16 rifle. While we were working on the weapons,
one soldier complained about the unusual notched shape of the M-16's bolt and
chamber, which makes it difficult to clean. "Lieutenant, they need to make something
to clean this with," the soldier said. "They do," piped up a sergeant. "Really," I said
with surprise, wondering why we had not ordered such a tool. "Yes, sir," replied the
sergeant. "It's called a soldier." --Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Charles
Anderson
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5.
SOME YEARS AGO, my brother, David, decided to enlist in the U.S. Navy. He
filled out the forms and took his physical. Next was a consultation with a Naval
officer to determine the enlistee's mental state. "Why do you want to join the Navy?"
the officer asked. "Because my father said it was a good idea," replied David. "Oh,"
said the officer, "and what does your father do?" "He's in the Army," was the reply.
--Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Maj. Robert D. Hall, USAR
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6.
THE NAVAL TRAINING CENTER in Orlando, Fla., encompasses two large
lakes. A street near one lake sports a duck-crossing sign urging traffic to yield the
right of way. In the middle of a rainstorm one spring, I watched 50 sailors marching
in place, waiting for three ducks to finish cavorting in a puddle in the middle of that
street. --Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Willamay Howard
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7.
MY COMPANY, stationed at Fort Lee, Va., usually got up before reveille. Early
one dark morning, the soldier responsible for playing the taped trumpet calls
inadvertently put on the taps recording instead of reveille. Our sergeant major, who
enjoyed pointing out other people's mistakes, turned sharply and faced the formation.
"Why in hell would anyone play taps at 0615?" he bellowed. We all looked around
nervously until a voice in the back called out, "That's to let you know what kind of
day you're going to have, sergeant major!" --Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by
Sgt. Jeff L. Sellers
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8.
WHEN OUR SERGEANT ordered us to paint the barracks, we finished the job in a
single day" "except for the front door. There was no more gray paint. "That's your
problem," the sergeant told us when we approached him. Back in the supply shed I
found white and dark-blue paint. By mixing them, I produced a color that satisfied
the entire barracks. That night I went to bed a hero. In the middle of the night,
however, the sergeant's voice boomed through the barracks, "Fall out in front in five
minutes." When the last man arrived, the sergeant called us to attention and ordered
an about-face. Instantly I went from hero to dud, for there in the black of night was
our glowing barracks door. The blue paint I'd used was fluorescent. --Contributed to
"Humor In Uniform" by William J. Hughes
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9.
A NEWLY COMMISSIONED ensign on board his first ship was having difficulty
getting used to the ways of the sea. His confidence picked up, however, when he
heard crew members refer to him as "Tackline." Although he didn't know what the
term meant, he was pleased with the salty nickname. One day, he discovered a
manual of sea terms that defined tackline as "a divider of light line between flags on a
signal hoist." Puzzled as to how this could apply to him, he asked the chief signalman
if he knew the modern meaning of the word. "Sir," the chief replied, "a tackline is six
feet of nothing." -- J. S. Hayes in U.S. Naval Institute Proceedings --Contributed to
"Humor In Uniform" by J. S. Hayes
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10.
WHILE MIDSHIPMEN at Annapolis, we took 80-foot patrol boats out on the
Chesapeake for ship-handling drills. Each of us had turns as helmsman, lookout,
officer-of-the-deck and engineering officer. I was standing watch as the engineering
officer when a signal was given to execute a routine formation change. Another
midshipman called out a variety of helm and engine orders. Realizing we weren't
moving closer to our ordered position, he passed another command down the voice
tube: "Ah, the heck with it! Just follow those other boats!" --Contributed to "Humor
In Uniform" by Lt. Cmdr. Ronald Malec
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11.
A SERGEANT due for a re-enlistment interview appeared before the commanding
officer. "Well, sergeant," began the captain, "tomorrow is your last day in the Air
Force. Have you thought about re-enlisting?" "Yes, sir," replied the sergeant.
"Thought about it, laughed about it and forgot about it!" --Contributed to "Humor In
Uniform" by Roy C. Shelton
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12.
WHILE STATIONED at Clark Air Base, the Philippines, I was on standby in the
evenings to resolve personnel problems. These included going to the police station
and signing for enlisted people who had been picked up for some infraction. I
resented this detail, because it was really the responsibility of the squadron
commander or first sergeant. One evening, when the security police summoned me to
the station to sign for someone, I asked with irritation, "Can't you find the first
sergeant?" "Sarge," the officer replied, "it is the first sergeant!" --Contributed to
"Humor In Uniform" by WILLIAM L. Shelton
