Guilt.

[TankerRob]

I need to know if anyone has some tactics to dealing with guilt.
I was medically discharged 1 month before my unit went to Iraq (discharged for sleepwalking ffs) and I cant help but feel extreme guilt for not being out there with them. I went to college and was in a fraternity and NEVER felt the brotherhood I did with the guys I went through Fort Knox OSUT with. Cant even compare..., but neither can the guilt I feel for not being with them now. I occasionally cry and cant watch, read or hear about Iraq without feeling depressed. Can anybody help?

Spc. Soelter 19Kilo (M1A1 Tanker)

[AmericanGirl]

I'm so sorry that your struggling with this right now. I wish I had answers for you. Is there something you can channel your energy into? I know its not the ultimate answer but I found that keeping busy keeps me from dwelling on things. Maybe even organizing something to keep the morale up for your friends... not the same as being there, but it would be a positive way for you to contribute. (I can put you in touch with people who could help) the only other suggestion is that maybe you might want to check with the VA and see if there is someone you can talk to... I wish you all the best and I'll be sending up a couple prayers for you.

[Vulture6]

Rob – I know what you’re going through. It’s tough to sit on the sidelines when you have friends in a war zone. I feel as if I have a hundred thousand brothers in Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Horn of Africa. Here are some suggestions that have helped me and some others that I know.

1. Don’t let the individual Soldiers be forgotten for the politics. Most of the general public follows the headlines and their perceptions are shaped by the politics of the war. Do whatever you can to keep the human face on any discussions. Each Soldier, Sailor, Airman, and Marine has a story and a family – don’t let the people you interact with forget them.

2. There are a lot of websites and organizations that are set up to support individual Soldiers and units deployed. Try getting involved. Many folks on this board can help you find them.

3. I don’t know where you live currently, but go to a VA hospital to do what you can for our wounded. Even if it is just visiting them on the ward. These guys have a long recovery ahead of them, and they appreciate a friendly face and someone to talk to. Sometimes they’re pissed and take it out on you, but in the long run, you can help and it is appreciated.

4. Visit the VFW or American Legion. These guys understand.

5. Whatever you do, don’t try to distance yourself from what is going on over there or the fact that you have friends and compatriots there. You need to deal with your feelings and obligations… not hide from them. If you don’t deal with it now, you will have to deal with it some day. No regrets over things you can’t control.

Remember, there is more than one way to serve your country.

God bless, brother. Semper Fi.

[TankerRob]

American Girl and Vulture, thank you, I will see what I can get my hands into to keep me occupied while helping, I am glad someone understands.

[USMCRET6391]

Rob I went through something similar almost 40 years ago. If you ever get to the "Wall" in DC, look up Donald J. Callison. We went to school together from the 3rd grade until the 11th....when we were 16 we agreed we would join the Corps together but some things happened that kept me from joining when he did. In Feb 1967, 4 mos before I went into Boot Camp, his mother called me and told me he had been killed outside of Da Nang. I was almost destroyed by the guilt I felt for not being there with him. AG and Vulture gave you some good advice, but if you need to "talk" drop me a PM.

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[Turtledrive]

One thing you need to keep in mind is that you were willing to go with them. Situations occoured that prevented you from doing that for a reason. I felt the same way when the war started. One thing you can do that will help with your guilt is to remember what was said before. Fight this war from here. Don't let anyone forget who is over there. Help the ones who have returned. Write to your buddies and let them know what you are doing. They will be glad you are doing it. Ask them what you can do for them, some have forgotten to take care of loose ends before they went over. Help them however you can. You are here and can take care of it for them and there is no way they can do it from there. Whey they get back they will be just as happy to see you as you will be to see them. It will ease in time, I know it is hard now but hang in there, it will get better.

[Hoss68]

Originally Posted by Vulture6

5. Whatever you do, don’t try to distance yourself from what is going on over there or the fact that you have friends and compatriots there. You need to deal with your feelings and obligations… not hide from them. If you don’t deal with it now, you will have to deal with it some day. No regrets over things you can’t control.

Remember, there is more than one way to serve your country.

God bless, brother. Semper Fi.

This is the one that hit home for me the most.

I got calls from the ship my Company and old BSSG was on, asking me about the training records I had computerized for them before I got out~ the entire time they were going, there and returning. I was shocked by the first one (he had been to the class with me and watched me make all the records), the second was not as shocking for me... Now, I honestly think he was looking for stateside contact. And besides the now ex-husband, I was also glad to feel needed by my MP's.

I got out the day before Saddam invaded Kuwait. Was still on base the day my Company (who were leaving for the Med on Aug 15th anyways) and old BSSG were told they were on standby. I spent that entire war needing to be there with my Brothers. I would not have been allowed to go with them initially if I were still in, but I would have volunteered to go in a heart beat.

Honey, I know the guilt also.