Strange Medical Notes

[Navy6064]

Strange Medical Notes

In The Notes



Totally off the record... A selection of choice writings taken from medical (and nursing!) notes!

-By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.

-Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

-On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

-She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

-The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

-I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.

-Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

-I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

-The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

-Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

-The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Ward to dispose of him.

-Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

-The patient refused an autopsy.

-The patient has no past history of suicides.

-The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

-Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

-Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

-The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

-She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

-The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

-The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

-The patient is disabled with a wife from Portsmouth

-Uterus remains in place resting comfortably (after prolapse repair)

-Diagnosis: Claus-trophobia

-Comes to ED complaining of vaginal breathing.

-Patient arrived by avalanche

-Odor of alcohol on breast

-Patient stable all morning, in asystole

-Road Traffic Accident, back seat driver

-The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

-The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

-Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

-The skin was moist and dry.

-Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

-The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

-She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

-Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

-The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

-I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

-The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.

-Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress.

-Patient was alert and unresponsive.

-When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

-The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

-Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

-Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

-She is numb from her toes down.

-Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

-While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

-The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

-The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

-Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.