Products That Never Made it to Market

[Navy6064]

Products That Never Made it to Market

If spiking beer with caffeine can move product, can't research labs concoct food novelties for the public good? Adults might give up fast food. Kids could drink their vegetables. Where is ...

# Vodka broccoli ... Marketed as Green Buzz, it comes in a juice box. All the vitamins a body craves in a delicious, swamp-coloured blend of Grade A broccoli and premium Canadian vodka. Bet you can't drink two.

# Viagra Prune Danish Squares ... Seniors can fuel all their below-the-navel needs with one tasty new bakery treat. Gives new meaning to regular. Doctor-endorsed. Low-carb.

# Jelly Belly lima beans ... Each lima bean hides in a delicious candy coating in one of five delicious flavours -- none of them bean. What delight at dinner when kids see Mom has made Easter bunny pellets. We love you, Mom! These candies are legume-a-rific!!

# Sweetgrass milk ... The sweetest milk you'll ever taste. Flavoured with the telltale, sickly sweet aroma of marijuana, each quart contains essential vitamins and enough pot to put a grin on your mug. Cereal will never taste the same. Don't drink and drive. At least wipe off the milk moustache first.

# Licorice liver bars ... Looks like candy, tastes like licorice! But each Power Bar contains the equivalent of one plate of stinking rotten liver that would otherwise be in the dump because liver is gross.

# Ginseng pizza ... Are you still ordering old-fashion pizza with oregano, pepperoni and anchovies? Happenin' teens and cranked-up couples prefer ginseng pizza, the pizza that makes your body go Pow! Never eat pizza alone. See physician if sexual activity lasts more than four hours. Do not exceed two pizzas a week.

# Spinach martini mix ... As seen on Sex And The City, each packet of freeze-dried veggie clippings makes the dirtiest, greenest martini you'll ever see. Just add gin or vodka. Spinach and silly both start with an S. How much good health can you stand?

# Carrot cigarettes ... A patented process removes the pale centre of each carrot, replacing it with a premium blend of tobaccos. Fully compliant with Kyoto Accord: smoke the insides, then eat the carrot. No fuss, no butts. Pending approval for school vending machines. Menthol and regular.

# Szechwan Oatmeal ... Lost for centuries, this fiery recipe was known by the ancients to make all who ate it fibre-if-ic. Lab rats eating six ounces of Szechwan oatmeal daily break their exercise wheels. Oatmeal to make you weep and sneeze in delight. Thai food is for sissies.

# Peanut Butter Dental Floss ... Dental hygiene's a breeze, with delicious new dental floss that might be fudge-flavoured string.

# Botox Turnips ... Chop and boil, reducing turnip to an unappetizing gruel. Cool. Paste on face for astonishing results without needles. Consult Foodland Ontario for difference between turnip and squash. Discontinue use if wax forms.

[RFleischman]

Lol!

[CoastieDrummer]

I WANT SOME, haha