You know you drink too much coffee when

[Navy6064]

You know you drink too much coffee when...

* Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
* You ski uphill.
* You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
* You speed walk in your sleep.
* You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are
good in the sack."
* You answer the door before people knock.
* You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
* You just completed another sweater and you don't know
how to knit.
* You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
* You sleep with your eyes open.
* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
* The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
* You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away
without using the timer.
* You lick your coffeepot clean.
* You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
* You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse
and you don't even work there.
* You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
* You chew on other people's fingernails.
* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
* You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their
margaritas.
* You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
* You can jump-start your car without cables.
* Cocaine is a downer.
* All your kids are named "Joe."
* You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
* Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
* You don't sweat, you percolate.
* You buy milk by the barrel.
* You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
* You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize
it's not plugged in.
* You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
* You've built a miniature city out of little plastic
stirrers.
* People get dizzy just watching you.
* When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it
up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
* You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
* The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
* Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
* Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava
lamp.
* You're so wired, you pick up FM radio.
* People can test their batteries in your ears.
* Your life's goal IS to "amount to a hill of beans."
* Instant coffee takes too long.
* You channel surf faster without a remote.
* When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to
the last drop."
* You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest
of eternity in a coffee can.
* You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
* Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
* You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
* You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the
coffee.
* You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean
beer.
* You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
* You get drunk just so you can sober up.
* You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
* Your Thermos is on wheels.
* Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
* You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
* You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
* You short out motion detectors.
* You have a conniption over spilled milk.
* You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
* Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
* You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
* You don't tan, you roast.
* You don't get mad, you get steamed.
* Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before and
coffee after.
* Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass
of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
* You can't even remember your second cup.
* You help your dog chase its tail.
* You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
* Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
* You introduce your spouse as your "Coffeemate."
* You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
* Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an
I.V. hookup.

[AmericanGirl]

lol... I'm not quite this bad, but I love my coffee.

[USMCRET6391]

Hey!!!!!!!!!!! that's not funny, I fit all of those

[AmericanGirl]

What is it about Marines and coffee? lol

[USMCRET6391]

Originally Posted by AmericanGirl

What is it about Marines and coffee? lol

It isnt just Marines. Want to shut down the Navy? Cut off their coffee ration.

[d'artangan]

The entire US Industrial/Military community runs on coffee. But I'll have tio admit that in the few years, I've probably been offered more water than coffee when visiting offices on base or in a contractors plant. I usually turn them down and ask for coffee. After noon, I usually get funny looks, the rest of the time, coffee appears from somewhere. I did have one civil srvant at Hill AFB bring me a "cup of coffee"....Some instant flavored crap he got in a hotel while TDY.