You Know You Work For The Government If

[Navy6064]

YOU KNOW YOU WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT IF

1. When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
2. You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
3. Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes.
4. Your supervisor doesn’t have the ability to do your job.
5. You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
6. It no longer amazes you that computer security is more important than
having computers.
7. Your office computer was just upgraded to a 200 MHz Pentium this year.
8. Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.
9. Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.
10. You and your coequals always consume the free food left over from VIP
meetings.
11. It’s dark when you drive to and from work.
12. You’re forced to park your car a mile from the office because of all
the commander’s, military, customers, designated contractor, VIP’s,
employees of the month/quarter/year and visitor, parking spaces by the main
entrance.
13. Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
14. “One Oh Shit wipes out years of Atta Boys” are words to live by.
15. You see a good looking person and know they are a visitor.
16. Appearance is more important than substance. (Hear!!! Hear!!!)
17. Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
18. There is never enough time to do your job, but always enough time to
prepare a briefing on it.
19. Art involves a white board and dry markers.
20. The suspense you were just assigned was late when you received it and
you are required to justify why.
21. Management thinks a business trip with uncompensated mandatory weekend
travel is a perk.

22. Although you have a telephone, pager, e-mail, FAX, company
distribution, Fed-X, US mail and co-equals sitting right on the other side
of the partition...communication is a continuing problem.
23. You know and everyone that works with you knows your performance is
superior, but “satisfactory” is the highest level on the documented
performance rating.
24. You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say “Oh
wow, thanks!”
25. Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
26. When workers screw up they are transferred to another office to be
someone else’s problem; when management screws up they are promoted.
27. Your boss’ favorite lines are “when you get a few minutes,” “in your
spare time,” “when you’re freed up” and “I have an opportunity for you.”
28. Training is something spoken about but never seen.
29. Vacation is something you roll over to next year.
30. No travel money to do the mission, but always enough money for another
useless conference.
31. Change is the norm.
32. Organizational direction changes every 2 or 3 years.
33. The worst possible reputation comes from being the initiator of a
complaint.

34. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
35. You can name more Government employees that used to work with you than
the ones you work directly with in your current position.

[Field_Sailor]

22. Although you have a telephone, pager, e-mail, FAX, company
distribution, Fed-X, US mail and co-equals sitting right on the other side
of the partition...communication is a continuing problem.
23. You know and everyone that works with you knows your performance is
superior, but “satisfactory” is the highest level on the documented
performance rating.
24. You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say “Oh
wow, thanks!”

This is to true as well. Sad, huh.