Gunny's Beer Stop

[Navy6064]

Gunny's Beer Stop

"Hello may I speak to the Commanding Officer of Fleet Marine Amphibous Group Six."

"Speaking, how may I help you sir."

"Yea, well good morning. I'm Sherriff Johnny Griffin of Duncan County Georgia. I'm calling about an unfortunate incident that happened here this weekend between four of my off-duty deputies and your Gunnery Sargeant John Anthony Taylor."

"Yes sheriff I am familiar with the incident, how can I help you?"

"Well first I'd lak ta pologize fer four of ma men jumpin on the Gunny lak that. In all fairness they shouldn't have attackted him lak they did, but in their defense ah hafta say they had been adrinkin. Anyway that aint no excuse. They shouldn't of jumped him lak they did. Also ah wants ya to know that we all have a great deal of respect fer the military and had they known he was a Marine, they probably wouldn't jumped him lak they did. See he was eyeballin Paula the bartender and they didn't take too kindly to it. They saw his Eagle and glove Marine emblem on his t-shirt and they just kinda tore into him. Anyways I really regret that it happened."

"I'm sure you do sherriff."

"Well ah just called to pass on the good news to you and hope that you'll pass it on to Gunnery Sargeant Tarylor. The good news is that all four of my deputies.....they's all gonna live. Jones will have a permanent limp but the doctor says he will eventually walk again. Wilcox can talk again since they installed the larnyx box and they hope to be able to pull Markam's nose out of his skull later this week. They successfully removed the size 13 spit-shined shoe out of Harris' ass this morning and the doc says within two weeks he'll be able to sit again. By the way I will be amailing that shoe back to ya."

"I'm glad that they're all recovering so nicely sherriff."

"Yea me too. Me too. Oh could I ask you a favor?"

"Sure sherriff, what is it?"

"Please don't let anymore of your Marines into Paula's beer joint. I'm down to me and one deputy."

"I'll put if off limits right away sherriff."

"Gunnery Sargeant I just received a report that you were involved in an "altercation" with four civilians at Paula's Bar in Duncan Georgia this past Saturday."

"Yes sir, that's correct sir."

"Well along with the report came these pictures, can you explain them to me."

"Well yes sir, I was sitting drinking my beer talking to the female bartender when these four guys yelled and charged at me."

"Well would you be kind enough to explain what happened next?"

"Well sir an "altercation" broke out."

"Well Gunny lets start with the first picture here, its marked Mr. Jones."

"Well sir, he was the first one to come at me> I grabbed him and tried to hold him as he repeatedly attacked my fist with his face."

"I see, and how did he break his leg?"

"Apparently it was when he flew out the second floor window sir."

"What about photo number two Mr. Duncan it says."

"Sir it appeared to me that Mr. Duncan had severe intestinal gas. Anyway a vaccum formed in his intestines which caused my foot to rise with unusual force and lodge itself in his ass , plugging the vacuum that was emenating from his rectum. He too departed by the same window."

"I see and Mr. Wilcox here."

"Unfortunately Mr. Wilcox swung at me and missed but unfortunately his forward momentum caused him to trip and the poor fellow fell into my palm and struck it with the brunt of his neck."

"Ok and Mr. Markum here?"

"Mr. Markum's nose charged my elbow sir."

"Did he manage to successfully engage your elbow with his nose."

"He did sir."

"And how long did this entire incident take Gunny?"

"I would estimate 20 to 30 seconds sir."

"And what did you do when it was over?"

" I finished my beer and continued talking to the bartender sir."

"Thank you Gunnery Sargeant, that will be all."