Driving in Phoenix

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Driving in Phoenix

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS".

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop
101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "Wussy".

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the same road.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

13. When making either a right or left turn at an intersection, do not, as would be expected in most of the country, turn into the nearest lane. This would require slowing down. You must cross as many lanes as possible and take the corner as fast as possible.

14. Signs reading "No U-turn," should be considered more as helpful suggestions than an actual rule

15. It is unacceptable to slow down for a potential hazard on the road, however, feel free to slow down or stop long enough to visually inspect anything happening on the side of the road. Whether it's an overturned school bus on fire or a car with a flat tire, everything deserves a good long look.