True Tales of In-duh-viduals!

[Navy6064]

True Tales of In-duh-viduals!

TRUE TALES OF INDUHVIDUALS

From the latest Dilbert newsletter

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When another person jumped in and explained that the sun rises in the east (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an Induhvidual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh. Pacific."

So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard one of the admin assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

I was in a high school advanced physics class and the teacher was talking about a new military weapon that uses sonic waves on the battlefield to burst enemy soldiers' chests. One Induhvidual in the class spoke up and said, "Well that's stupid! Why don't they just wear headphones?"

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the passenger side door's map pocket. And then she voted. = My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought two cases. The cashier multiplied two times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

I was hanging out with a friend of mine when we saw a woman walk by us with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I had to explain to her that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.

My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which one of two sandwiches was better. The clerk didn't have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive. My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, "If that's the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?" To this, the clerk responded, "I don't think they tax the turkey."

I was at a convenience store buying a 99-cent "Behemoth Gulp" or some such thing. The cost with tax was $1.02. I only had a $5 bill. The clerk asked if I had two pennies. I said I didn't. She said, "We'll take a couple from here," and got two pennies out of her penny cup at the register. She handed me back my change: $4 in bills -- and the two pennies.

My wife and I were trying to find a carry-on suitcase in one of those huge discount stores and had become hopelessly lost. We stopped and asked a department manager where we might find suitcases. "Did you try in Luggage?" she asked, and returned to what she was doing.

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

My wife was shopping at a discount store and saw a pair of sunglasses marked at $0.00. She noted that it was missing one screw for the earpiece, but figured she could fix it. When she went to "buy" the free glasses the cashier looked very confused and called over a manager. After much "Induhvidual-speak" between them, they concluded that they couldn't sell my wife the glasses and had to throw them away. My wife tried to ask why they wouldn't just give her the glasses if they were going to throw them away anyway, but the cashier wouldn't budge and threw them into the garbage right in front of my wife.

I think I know some of these people.....

[AngelBear]

:duhnedt

[66MP1]

There is no thinking about it, I know that I know some of these people.

[AngelBear]

There was a movie called "Flatliners" many years ago and it had Keifer Sutherland and Julia Roberts in it... there is a scene in there where I believe Keifer jumps a high wall and lands in a cemetery.... without skipping a beat my sister says "I wouldn't be caught dead in there.... " Hmmm ok "Rita just where do you plan on being placed when you die???".... I have NEVER let her forget that.

[66MP1]

You have a sister named Rita, I have a sister in law named Rita. They must be related. Some red traffic lights in North Carolina have a white flashing strobe light on them to get your attention so that you will notice the light. Well, my sister in law, Rita,, asked me what they were for. Well being the nice brother in law that I am, I told her that all the police cars, fire trucks and ambulances had a device that allowed them to turn the light green when they came through and that was what that flashing light was for. Well, she believed me and told some of her friends about it. Here's your sign.. Must have something to do with the name Rita.

I have other stories about her also.

[66MP1]

All of our Police cars and Ambulances in this county are equipped with locater system similar to GPS. On the trunk of our police cars was a very small round antenna for this system. My Sister in law, Rita was at our house not long after we got them and asked what it was. Well, again me being the good brother in law that I am, I told her. I told her that we were having alot of air pollution and that our Police Department was helping the EPA in cleaning up the air and that that was a stick-up and it was helping clean the air. Well, it did look like a stick up. Of coursee, Rita believed me.

[AngelBear]

LOL... ok here is another in regards to the same sister...

Rita is not my blood sister she is actually my step fathers identical twin brothers child. We raised her since she was about 3 months old. Now... saying that... my step father is Mexican/Spanish... one day Rita told me she was only 1/2 Mexican. Now I took this into careful consideration.... I knew both her mother and father and both are full blood Mexican... "Uh Rita... how is that possible?"... "Cause I don't know Spanish"... Yes, "Here's yer sign" applies here as well.

[RFleischman]

LOL!! Some People!~