Oil Change

[Navy6064]

Oil Change

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTION FOR WOMEN

1. PULL UP TO JIFFY LUBE WHEN THE MILAGE REACHES 3000 MILES SINCE THE LAST OIL CHANGE.

2. DRINK A CUP OF COFFEE.

3. 15 MINUTES LATER WRITE A CHECK AND LEAVE WITH A PROPERLY MAINTAINED VEHICLE.

MONEY SPENT: OIL CHAGE $20.00 COFFEE $1.00 TOTAL $21.00.


OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN

1. WAIT UNTIL SATURDAY MORNING. DRIVE TO PARTS STORE AND BUY A CASE OF
OIL, FILTER, KITTY LITTER, AND HAND CLEANER WRITE A CHECK FOR $50.00

2. STOP BY LIQUIOR STORE BUY A CASE OF BEER, WRITE A CHECK FOR $20.00
DRIVE HOME

3.OPEN A BEER AND DRINK IT

4. JACK UP CAR AND SPEND 30 MINUTES LOOKING FOR JACK STANDS

5.FIND JACK STANDS UNDER KIDS PEDAL CAR

6.IN FRUSTRATION OPEN ANOTHER BEER AND DRINK IT

7. PLACE DRAIN PAN UNDER ENGINE

8. LOOK FOR 9/16 BOX WRENCH

9. GIVE UP SEARCH AND USE CRESENT WRENCH

10. UNSCREW DRAIN PLUG

11. DROP DRAIN PLUG IN PAN OF HOT OIL AND SPLASH HOT OIL ALL OVER
YOURSELF. CUSS

12. CRAWL OUT FROM UNDER CAR TO WIPE HOT OIL OFF FACE AND ARMS. THROW
KITTY LITTER ON SPILLED OIL

13. HAVE ANOTHER BEER WHILE OIL DRAINS

14. SPEND 30 MINUTES LOOKING FOR OIL FILTER WRENCH

15. GIVE UP; CRAWL UNDER CAR AND HAMMER SCREW DRIVER THROUGH OIL FILTER
AND TWIST OFF

16. CRAWL OUT FROM UNDER CAR WITH DRIPPING OIL FILTER SPLASHING OIL ALL
OVER FLOOR

17.CLEVERLY HIDE OIL FILTER IN GARBAGE CAN TO AVOID ENVIORMENTAL
PENALTIES. DRINK A BEER

18. BUDDY SHOWS UP, FINISH CASE OF BEER WITH HIM. DECIDE TO FINISH OIL
CHANGE TOMORROW SO YOU CAN GO SEE HIS NEW GARAGE DOOR OPENER

19. SUNDAY; SKIP CHURCH BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FINISH OIL CHANGE. DRAG PAN
FULL OF OLD OIL FROM UNDER CAR. CLEVERLY DUMP OIL IN HOLE IN BACK YARD

20. THROW KITTY LITTER ON OIL SPILLED DURING STEP 19

21. BEER NOPE DRANK IT ALL YESTERDAY

22. WALK TO LIQUOR STORE BUY MORE BEER

23.INSTALL NEW OIL FILTER MAKING SURE TO APPLY THIN COAT OF OIL TO
GASKET SURFACE

24. DUMP FIRST QUART OF FRESH OIL IN ENGINE

25. REMEMBER DRAIN PLUG FROM STEP 11

26.HURRY TO FIND DRAIN PLUG IN DRAIN PAN

27. REMEMBER THAT THE USED OIL IS BURRIED IN A HOLE IN BACKYARD, ALONG WITH DRAIN PLUG

28. DRINK BEER

29. SHOVEL OUT HOLE AND SIFT THROUGH OILY MUD LOOKING FOR DRAIN PLUG RE-SHOVEL OILY DIRT INTO HOLE. STEAL SAND FROM KIDS SANDBOX TO CLEVERLY COVER OILY PATCH OF GROUND AND AVOID ENVIROMENTAL PENALTIES. WASH DRAIN PLUG IN GAS FROM LAWN MOWER

30. DISCOVER THAT FIRST QUART OF FRESH OIL IS NOW ON FLOOR. THROW KITTY
LITTER ON OIL SPILL

31. DRINK BEER

32. CRAWL UNDER CAR GAT KITTY LITTER IN EYES. WIPE EYES OILY RAG USED TO CLEAN DRAIN PLUG. SLIP WITH STUPID CRESENT WRENCH TIGHTENING DRAIN PLUG AND SMASH KNUCKLES ON FRAME

33. BANG HEAD ON FLOOR BOARD IN REACTION TO STEP 32

34. BEGIN CUSSING FIT

35. THROW STUPID CRESENT WRENCH

36. CUSS FOR ADDITIONAL 10 MINUTES BECAUSE WRENCH HIT MISS DECEMBER IN LEFT BOOB

37. BEER

38. CLEAN UP HANDS AND FOREHEAD AND BANDAGE AS REQUIRED TO STOP BLOOD FLOW

39. BEER

40 . BEER

41. DUMP IN FIVE QUARTS OF FRESH OIL

42. BEER

43. LOWER CAR FROM JACK STANDS

44. ACCIDENTALLY CHRUSH REMAINING CASE OF OIL

45. MOVE CAR BACK TO APPLY MORE KITTY LITTER TO FRESH OIL SPILLED IN STEPS 24-44

46. BEER

47. TEST DRIVE CAR

48. GET PULLED OVER AND ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING

49. GET CAR IMPOUNDED

50. CALL LOVING WIFE TO MAKE BAIL

51. 12 HOURS LATER GET CAR FROM IMPOUND LOT

MONEY SPENT PARTS $50.00 DUI $2500.00 IMPOUND FEES $75.00 BAIL $1500.00 BEER $40.00
TOTAL -$4165.00

BUT YOU KNOW IT WAS DONE RIGHT!

[AngelBear]

Lmao!!!

[USMCRET6391]

[brooklyn6]