Break Relationship Routine

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Natasha Kogan | May 12, 2006

The other day at the gym I was watching a silly TV show, the name of which I can’t remember. This particular episode was about a married couple with kids having dinner with their long-time friends, who happen not to have kids. As the two couples attempt to have some adult dinner conversation (translation: conversation that does not involve talking about their kids and the cute and adorable and terrible things they do) the couple with kids realizes that they never talk about anything but their kids. After a few failed attempts of maintaining an adult conversation, they decide to take a wine class together so that they have something interesting to talk about.

I won’t bore you with the rest of the episode, but watching it inspired me to write this dare and share it with you. I’ve been married for almost five years and so I speak from personal experience when I say that most of us tend to establish routines in our relationships with significant others. These routines can be anything, from having dinner in front of the TV, to carrying on a fight for hours (or days) at a time, taking an annual trip together, or always going out to eat at the same little Italian restaurant. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having some routines in your relationship – I think many are very sweet, and having routines can give us a lot of comfort and security – I dare you to break one of them this month!

Here are some ideas to get you started:

* Have an ‘opposite’ dinner. If you and your significant other usually plunk down in front of the TV with your dinners, turn off the tube, take out your nice dishes, set the table, pour some wine, and have a nice, quiet dinner where you look at each other rather than the TV. Or, if dinner is usually a big deal at your house, pick one night, order your favorite take-out (the more casual the better), and watch a great movie together while eating.

* Learn a new skill together. Sign up for a class at the local community college, the Learning Annex, or the YMCA, or take an online class together. Find a subject both of you are interested in but don’t know much about, and just be careful about managing your time and make sure that you can fit it into your schedules. (If you can’t pick, try this: Write down different classes on pieces of paper – dancing, wine appreciation, art history, film, gardening, whatever you like - throw them in a hat, and pick one out at random.) Learning something together is a great way to refresh your relationship, come up with new things to talk about, and just have fun in a new way.

* Go on a first date. The longer we are in a relationship, the more comfortable we get around each other. Some of this is great – you can just be yourself – but some of it isn’t – you don’t put as much effort into your relationship and you take many things for granted. To change this dynamic, go on a first date with your significant other. Whether it’s dinner and a movie or a picnic in the park, make it special and really try to approach it as a first date. Dress nicely. Ask each other questions to which you think you already know the answers. Try to really spend time getting to know each other, putting aside the months or years you’ve already spent together.

These are just a few ideas and what I hope they will do is inspire you to think of your own ways to break the routine in your relationship with your significant other. Have some fun with it and my bet is your relationship (and your significant other) will thank you!