Quotes from OCS

[dvldogcandidate]

By far the funniest things at OCS where the things that the Drill Instructors/Sgt Instructors said. (Although we couldn't laugh at the time) Luckily, we had a couple of people from our platoon write down some highlights. Some of it contains vulgarity, but if you have a weak stomach for that type of thing, you really shouldn't be in the military or on a military forum. Here goes:


"who said that? WHO SAID THAT?? which one of you communist fucking twinkle-toed cocksuckers just signed his own death warrant??"

"If any one of you shitbirds tries that again, I swear to God I will climb up the side of the chowhall like spiderman, jump off, and put my boot through your chest, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!"


"If you can't run 3 miles in 18 minutes, you're slowing your team down! And if you're a leader, and you're slowing your team down, you deserve to be left at the side of the road with a bullet in your grape!"

"Candidate, did you brush yo' fangs?"
"yes sgt instructor!"
"whew...don't talk to me. look away, i don't want you breathing on me with that breath."
"yes sgt instructor"
"i said don't talk to me. Next time you talk to me, it better be with mental telepathy, yaundastandat?!.......i said do you undastand that? OH! gaffing me off now, right?"
"Sgt Instructor, this candidate was using mental telepathy"

Sgt.Instructor: "Retarded candidates aren't allowed to stand next to each other, its spreading like SARS."

Corpsman: " I don't like guys but keep it up and I will stick it in backwards" (silver bullet--if you don't know trust me you don't wanna)

Right before taps during prayer
Sgt.Instructor: I don't know why you keep brothering God cuz he can't help you now.

Sgt.Instructor: TWOSHEETSANDABLANKETRIGHTNOW UPPP TO SLOW. YOU WANNA PLAY INDIA 2 CUZ WE CAN PLAY, HELL I WORK FOR PARKER BROS. MAKING UP GAMES ALL DAMN DAY.

"Your luck is so bad, if it was raining whores outside you'd get hit by a queer."

“Candidate X, University of X, Air contract!”
“Candidate, what’s wrong with you? Air contract? Don’t you want to feel what it’s like to pull a man’s heart out of his chest while it’s still beating?”

“You’re just another form of terrorism!”

“You’re looking as nasty as a fartsack full of doorknobs!

SI- Candidate what state r you from? POints to one poor candidate
CAndidate- So and So state
SI- Candidate number 2 where r you from
Candidate-So and SO state 2
SI- Candidate 3 what state r you from
Candidate- SO and So state 3
SI- Hey, you ever play conect the dots with those states, does it form some kind of funky triangle, I want to make sure I stay out of that!!!

"You put the anus in heinous."

"Where are the keys?"
Candidate: "What keys, SSGT?"
"The keys to the frickin' spaceship that brought you here!"

"That boy is useless as tits on a boarhog."

"Riddle me this, batman"

"That looks like 10 pounds of crap in a 5 pound bag"

"They're going to graduate some of you just to take bullets for the good ones."

Capt. M : "Here's an easy knowledge question.. Who's the Vice President of the U.S.?"
Cand. : "....This Candidate does not know."
CaptM (after a few secs. of staring): "um..what?"
Cand. :"This cand. is not sure sir."
CaptM : "Name any elected official, anyone at all."
Cand : "um..uh...this cand does not know..."
CaptM: "How about a class president?"

SSgt: "You know who you remind me of, candidate? That retarded kid, Timmy, from South Park. What's your 11th general order?"
Cand: "This candidate's 11th general order is: To be especially watchful at night, and during--"
SSgt [using "Timmy" voice]: "Timmah!"
Cand: "During the time for challenging, to challenge--"
SSgt: "Timmah?"
Cand: "To challenge all persons on or near my post, and--"
SSgt: "Timmah!! Timmatimmatimmah!!!!"

"I'm going to insert myself intravenously into you"

"I'd rather take my chances in the matrix"

"Hellllooooooo....Boot Shoe Displays.....Helllooooo." Gunny Abbot

"An [M16] is like a woman in black leather, demands respect and enjoys pain."

Male SI: "What's wrong with that war belt. It's all loose and nasty."
Female SI: "Just like my candidates, loose and nasty."

"Stop cheese-dicking it"
"Is this kicking your ass, huh, is this kicking your ass?"

"Hey, look at that plane. That's a big ass plane, that's an itty bitty runway. I don't think he gonna make make. No, he ain't gonna make it."

"Click POW! Click POW!!"

"I just came from the water, there's snakes in there, they're poisonous. Some of you ain't gonna make it."

"I don't know what planet you're from Montes, but on Earth we speak English."

While practicing for the graduation parade, the drill master flipped out over the loud speaker at our guide: "India company guide, if you don't wake the fuck up, i'm going to spear you through the heart with that stick"

During the company comander's inspection.
Maj- "Whats your major there uhh candidate?"
Cand- "English, sir!"
Maj- "And what are you gonna do with english candidate?"
Cand- "KILL TERRORISTS SIR!"

SI: "Boy, do you know where the PX is???"
Cand: "Yes Gny Sgt"
SI: "Well you need to get your ass over there and buy yourself a clue"

(from 1st PLT)
GySgt Knapp to 1st after candidates were caught out of our racks after lights out:
"Ya'll are like a bunch of cockroaches! The lights come on and you scatter..."

Candidate rubbing suntan lotion on his face freezes as SI approaches.
SI: "Candidate you are digusting. You are a filthy animal. Do you know what that looks like on your face?"
{Another Candidate speaks up} "Like cum SSGT?"

"Did you eat ice cream on your little day off>?"
Cand X "Yes staff sergeant"
SSgt: "What kind of ice cream"
X: "A strawberry shortcake bar staff sergeant"
SSGT: "Why am i not surprised cand. X getting the faggoty strawberry shortcake bar...Get a real ice cream and be a man next time, like a flinstones push up pop"

[Grimmy]

Rofl!

[ChellieUSMC2005]

This was great it really took me back. I am glad someone thought to write down quotes.